My Confessions (Part. 8)

Sitting by this table that I have been sitting at for the past three years, memories flash through my mind: “Coffee, Books, Syllabus, Friends, Fights, Crying, Smiling, Studying, Writing, etc“. Finally I have less than 24 hours left in this city, a city that changed so much stuff; stuff around me and stuff within me. Sometimes I ask myself “What would my life have been like, if I would have never arrived in Coimbatore?” Well, the answer for that question is unreal because this is the reality I’m in right now, this is what I’m right now. A young, broke and high spirited Man.

This journey here was filled with struggles mostly, and I’m still struggling for things to be right or different but eventually I have to understand that I must give it some time and my best. Well I’m giving my best shot at life. Here I am on a new Chapter. Whenever a person came to me asking: “Dude, what are you gonna do next?”, my answers were always awkward.
I never believed in myself for things that I wanted to do. But now finally I can raise my head and answer “I’m studying journalism at Indian Institute of journalism, Bangalore”. Not something big to brag about, because this is only the beginning. But at this moment I feel like I have taken the most righteous decision. I feel responsible and courageous, because the next part of my journey as I know is going to be a little bumpy. But guess what? I wanted it this way, I wanted it to shake me and bring out the demons.

Aspirations need to be fueled by inspirations around you. My inspiration came from pain. Whenever I saw a person in pain, it put me through pain to watch him/her go through it. Even now. Sometimes it shakes me so much that it renders me sleepless.
When I witness injustice, a fire inside me burns. My anger grows day by day watching injustice, corruption deceit and villainy. I know nothing can be done to stop this madness. But that very feeling, that very thought of being powerless to end the wrongdoing leaves me shattered. I can still feel my inner-self shattered in different aspects. This growing tension mostly leaves me in disbelief and guilt. I feel like I’m betraying someone or something.

As I stated, this new journey is a zeal in finding that “someone or something” I have been betraying for some time. I know I alone cannot kill all the monsters around me, but I at least can sigh in relief knowing that I have taken a measure in this life of mine to try help stop it. My theory is as such: “Stop madness with madness”. People sometimes call me a ‘psycho’. Well they are right.
I’m a psyched up fellow who is in an ordeal to end profanity. If you witness madness around you, then hit back with madness, protest, stand-up for your rights, cry out your slogans, let your inner speak rather than your confused mind, because when you inner speaks then you know your real self. But remember this never lose your heart, even if you lose your mind, your heart will set it right.

Ok, cutting out from the philosophy. As I mentioned I’m an aspiring journalist and I wish one day I could investigate and report some genuine news. I took up this career path not because I fancy it, but rather because I feared it. I always had this little thought, ‘What do journalists really earn from reporting news and writing stuff all around? Are they making any money for a good living?’. Now I’m about to find out 😛
Ok just kidding. (: During my college years I thought being a journalist would be an absurd idea, since it involved great risks and almost no pay. Well you see that people change. Now I have fully given myself and my time into this. The fear of not earning money and stuff like that just disappeared. I thought no Journalism institute would accept me. But after one really ‘ground-breaking’ interview at IIJNM, I received my call letter the next day. Basically I woke up reading it, so you can imagine the amount of tremendous happiness that exploded in me. Finally I learnt a little lesson. If there is something that you want to do in life, there is nothing that is gonna stop you from doing it except ‘’yourself’’!
It’s a simple statement but also an ultimate fact. Every time I panicked thinking I wouldn’t make it, it was just me stopping myself. Not the aptitude test or the interview panel but just me and my then-weak mind.

So folks, if there is something that you have always feared, take my advice – “F***ing face it”. For your fears are not your weakness but rather your hidden strengths.
Thank you 😀

Sculptures

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What are you looking at?

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Broken but still stands tall and bring

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She fed you once,
Yet we still look down at them?
SADISTS!

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The most comforting darkness is ‘Sleep’

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An abstract sculpture

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Looks similar doesn’t it?

All hail Avatar

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Mr. Rusty

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The holy Bust

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Dreams shall be haunted

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A snake drinking milk from a mothers breasts.

The artist’s message was such:

“The mother is feeding the baby even though she knew his baby might one day bite her back or people around him, even though she knew her baby shall cause trouble”

Sachin Might be great, but his Indian ”supporters” are Lame…(read on below)

You may not know Sachin, but girl you do know how exactly to use your bat.  Dear Maria, “What the deuce is it to me?” Sherlock interrupted impatiently; “you say that we go round the sun. If we went round the moon it would not make a pennyworth of difference to me or to my work.” These words were uttered by Sherlock Holmes, one of the greatest detective character of all times. He said the above when his friend Watson found that he knew absolutely NOTHING about the Solar System or how it works. Maria Sharapova I think you do a great job at playing tennis. You must be pretty confused receiving hate posts and messages. If it bothers you too much, I pray you reread Sherlock Holmes’ words. Whether fictional or not – the message he conveys is real. I see people everywhere thrashing you. People announcing their hatred for you. I found it pretty depressing. I mean, you don’t know Sachin. So?

You know Maria, I know Sachin. And I love him. His greatness in his field and your greatness in yours are things to be truly proud of. You don’t have to let haters get to you Maria. Personally I think- The world is not gonna END if you don’t know Sachin. The world is not gonna be SAVED either if you do know Sachin. I saw some of the hate messages Sachin’s fans posted on your page. Maria – trust me, they are not Sachin’s fans. They are immature people who’s ego is hurt. Why? Because something so important in their lives means almost nothing to you. In the name of fans, these are actually pathetic people trying to get themselves heard. They are being heard loud and clear Maria. But I feel sad every time I hear them. To see unpleasantness being spread TOWARDS a legend, in the NAME OF another legend – I think they don’t have a life Maria. These “fans” do not get that everyone has different priorities. Sadly, their only priority is making life miserable for you. Their only priority is fighting – for something unworthy of fighting. Don’t be disheartened Maria. I think the only person who should know Sachin is Sachin. Whether the rest know him or not is everyone’s personal business. I know, you must be thinking India is such a sad place to be in.

Maria, I am an Indian. And life is beautiful for me. You’ll find many like me here. We who believe – being a fan is a CHOICE. We don’t judge you based on your choices. Also, there are many living in delusion. They think you played once with Sachin but you are feigning remembrance. But the truth as you know is – you have never played tennis with Sachin. That was the then World number 35 Maria Kirilenko. You could make your haters check out this link: http://sports.ndtv.com/tennis/news/26543-sachin-promotes-sunfeast-open But you know what, don’t. Don’t care. People will read, see and think only what they want to read, see and think. There are a few more people saying you are doing this to take revenge on Sachin – due to some Sponsorship misunderstanding. Maria – I don’t know the truth of this. It’s anyway, still none of anyone’s business. If you honestly do not know him – I admire you Maria. People today want to appear to know-it-all. It’s nice to know at least one person who is not feigning knowledge but accepting ignorance.As a sportsperson and more than that a human being – you stand true to yourselves. If you do know him and still choose to say “no” – That’s your business. Not mine. Not anyone else’s. You are a human being too. And you have the right to make mistakes. Flaws are beautiful too Maria.

These fans who claim they know Sachin PERFECTLY. Well, they DON’T KNOW Sachin. I mean it. They just don’t. Yes they might know his cricket highlights, his best games, his worst times, his wife, his kids, his age, anything – yet they still don’t know him. They don’t know how disappointed Sachin is in them. How disappointed, that in his name – they create meaningless controversies. That in his name, they justify being unpleasant, heartless, jobless and plain moronic. Sachin would have been happier if his fans had more important things in life – like maybe, themselves. Maria, you have always been a strong person. And if these leeches ever manage to crawl right on your skin – you know a tennis bat can be used to more than just smash balls right? 

I hope these people realize that. That for you, more than knowing Sachin – the important thing is you know how exactly to use your bat. You go girl!  Yours sincerely, A person who doesn’t know you. (all that well) 

 

By, Sheeba Sulthana (Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/heartstaar)