My Confessions (Part. 8)

Sitting by this table that I have been sitting at for the past three years, memories flash through my mind: “Coffee, Books, Syllabus, Friends, Fights, Crying, Smiling, Studying, Writing, etc“. Finally I have less than 24 hours left in this city, a city that changed so much stuff; stuff around me and stuff within me. Sometimes I ask myself “What would my life have been like, if I would have never arrived in Coimbatore?” Well, the answer for that question is unreal because this is the reality I’m in right now, this is what I’m right now. A young, broke and high spirited Man.

This journey here was filled with struggles mostly, and I’m still struggling for things to be right or different but eventually I have to understand that I must give it some time and my best. Well I’m giving my best shot at life. Here I am on a new Chapter. Whenever a person came to me asking: “Dude, what are you gonna do next?”, my answers were always awkward.
I never believed in myself for things that I wanted to do. But now finally I can raise my head and answer “I’m studying journalism at Indian Institute of journalism, Bangalore”. Not something big to brag about, because this is only the beginning. But at this moment I feel like I have taken the most righteous decision. I feel responsible and courageous, because the next part of my journey as I know is going to be a little bumpy. But guess what? I wanted it this way, I wanted it to shake me and bring out the demons.

Aspirations need to be fueled by inspirations around you. My inspiration came from pain. Whenever I saw a person in pain, it put me through pain to watch him/her go through it. Even now. Sometimes it shakes me so much that it renders me sleepless.
When I witness injustice, a fire inside me burns. My anger grows day by day watching injustice, corruption deceit and villainy. I know nothing can be done to stop this madness. But that very feeling, that very thought of being powerless to end the wrongdoing leaves me shattered. I can still feel my inner-self shattered in different aspects. This growing tension mostly leaves me in disbelief and guilt. I feel like I’m betraying someone or something.

As I stated, this new journey is a zeal in finding that “someone or something” I have been betraying for some time. I know I alone cannot kill all the monsters around me, but I at least can sigh in relief knowing that I have taken a measure in this life of mine to try help stop it. My theory is as such: “Stop madness with madness”. People sometimes call me a ‘psycho’. Well they are right.
I’m a psyched up fellow who is in an ordeal to end profanity. If you witness madness around you, then hit back with madness, protest, stand-up for your rights, cry out your slogans, let your inner speak rather than your confused mind, because when you inner speaks then you know your real self. But remember this never lose your heart, even if you lose your mind, your heart will set it right.

Ok, cutting out from the philosophy. As I mentioned I’m an aspiring journalist and I wish one day I could investigate and report some genuine news. I took up this career path not because I fancy it, but rather because I feared it. I always had this little thought, ‘What do journalists really earn from reporting news and writing stuff all around? Are they making any money for a good living?’. Now I’m about to find out 😛
Ok just kidding. (: During my college years I thought being a journalist would be an absurd idea, since it involved great risks and almost no pay. Well you see that people change. Now I have fully given myself and my time into this. The fear of not earning money and stuff like that just disappeared. I thought no Journalism institute would accept me. But after one really ‘ground-breaking’ interview at IIJNM, I received my call letter the next day. Basically I woke up reading it, so you can imagine the amount of tremendous happiness that exploded in me. Finally I learnt a little lesson. If there is something that you want to do in life, there is nothing that is gonna stop you from doing it except ‘’yourself’’!
It’s a simple statement but also an ultimate fact. Every time I panicked thinking I wouldn’t make it, it was just me stopping myself. Not the aptitude test or the interview panel but just me and my then-weak mind.

So folks, if there is something that you have always feared, take my advice – “F***ing face it”. For your fears are not your weakness but rather your hidden strengths.
Thank you 😀

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